| p>What is mind reading? It is when one person thinks | | | | responded from the premise that perhaps Doug was |
| he/she knows how the other person will respond. It | | | | truly asking for information. |
| usually starts gradually and after years of practice | | | | Tip 2 Stay in your own head |
| becomes an ingrained habit. To break the habit takes | | | | Mary realized that in the past she would have been so |
| paying attention to the triggers and making a conscious | | | | busy thinking of what Doug would want to hear from |
| decision to respond differently. | | | | her and how he would respond that she would |
| Mary and Doug had long standing communication | | | | become defensive. This time she mentally calmed her |
| difficulties which frequently culminated in frustrating | | | | anxiety, tried to stay in the present and gave him |
| interactions. Recently Doug sold a sail boat that had | | | | reasons as to why she thought the way she did. Mary |
| caused a lot of stress in their marriage. Although Doug | | | | knew that in all likelihood it would take them a while |
| had said this was their boat Mary saw it as having | | | | before they would come up with a decision as to |
| been his boat. She felt her input had not been taken | | | | which sail boat would be right for them and fit their |
| into consideration when they bought it and the whole | | | | budget. |
| sailing experience had never been fun for her. | | | | Tip 3 Think also in terms of WE |
| Now Doug said that the new boat would be "their" | | | | When Mary accepted the fact that it mattered to her |
| boat and he wanted to know what kind of boat Mary | | | | what boat they got she started thinking in terms of " |
| wanted. Whenever Mary verbalized what she wanted | | | | what kind of sailboat would work for us". She dealt |
| in a boat Doug would ask questions. When Doug | | | | with Doug more as an equal partner and she |
| questioned her, Mary found herself reverting to mind | | | | expected him to include her wishes. When Mary's |
| reading. In her mind she was convinced that he only | | | | attitude was different it was Doug who didn't quite |
| gave lip service to wanting her input, he was controlling | | | | know how to respond to her. |
| the outcome, and she knew that he really didn't care | | | | Tip 4 Change is not a quick fix |
| as to what she thought. This time though Mary tried to | | | | It takes thought and self awareness to change habitual |
| respond differently by keeping in mind tips she had | | | | ways of responding. Mary and Doug's struggle to |
| learned. | | | | come to an agreement re: a new sailboat brings to the |
| Tip 1 Be in the present | | | | forefront how valuable it is for both of them to stay in |
| This was very hard for Mary because her habit was | | | | the present, stay in their own head, and think in terms |
| to think that she knew from the past what would | | | | of WE. |
| happen. Pulling herself back into the present she | | | | |